I don’t have many close friends, mainly because strangers make being alive scarier. I did spend one week in college putting energy towards making friends but I ended up getting in with the wrong crowd. I ate a lot of hallucinogenics and didn’t shave anything for a month, which I guess is chic if you’re into being super unchic, but it didn’t work with my spirit’s narrative at the time. Bottom line is, I don’t let many people in, including these two psychos, Vicky and Lysander. I am, however, forced to either look at them or talk to them at almost every NYC party I go to and now they have some sort of show about their life on LogoTV. They’re obsessed with me so they asked me to ask them questions and I happen to be on one of my friendly-bender-cleansers (4 Xanax, 4 Valium, 2 cups of Nespresso, no solids for 3 days), so I obliged. Here’s an episode of their reality show, or whatever, and our weird little convo follows…
1. Hi Guys. I feel like it’s been the perfect amount of time since I last saw you both. So, nice to see you again. Let’s start with the obvious: How did you two meet? In one word.
2. What’s it like to be in a relationship with your actual soul-mate? Your missing piece, if you will.
It’s Christian (with a sprinkling of Eastern) Spirituality at its best. To find someone that you can connect with on so many levels… fashion, money, power, money… Vicky helps dress me and then our Shaman, Tatanka, helps dress her.
3. Do you bang?
Babe, Do you know who you’re interviewing? I mean, we love you girlfriend, but you’ve been in a room with us… the chemistry is palpable and it’s electric. Yes we have sex. One of us vaginally and both of us anally.
4. Would you rather see your own child become President of The United States or see Grace Coddington walk into your birthday party?
Gracey? I mean we’ve had Grace over for dinner and parlour games tons of times, so that wouldn’t be that special… Although Vicky has been trying to get her hair like that for months… We’ve tried everything; sun, hair dryer, stove..fire. It’s impossible. I think Barbara Bush Senior would be our ideal. She’s classic.
5. Ok, that was rude. I feel like that was rude. In your opinion, what color is the word “chic?”
6. And what does it smell like?
Like dirty sweat. The sexy kind. Like ambitious dirty sweat.
7. What’s on your Getting Ready to Go Out playlist?
Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, Christian Rock, and early Destiny’s Child.
8. Moment when you thought you were about to die and you weren’t even scared because it was so spiritual?
Every time we make love.
9. Which Organizations do we need to know about right now?
ARTISTS AGAINST INHUMANITY. It’s the hottest charity right now for both downtown artists and Africans.
10. Cashmere socks or leather socks?
Diamond encrusted socks imported from Sierra Leone.
11. Public transit or Uber taxi?
Diamond encrusted Helicopter.
12. iPad Mini or Shaman?
Shaman. One can read the bones to tell your future and act as a BFF. The other fits in your pocket for quick DJ sets.
13. Wow, ok. You guys haven’t changed since I saw you last night. What’s next for you?
Well, we like to take it day by day. There could be a hot party that you hear about at 6pm and then by 11pm it’s a completely different party that everyone is talking about, you know? Moment to moment. That’s what Tatanka teaches us. Hold up, she’s scratching at the back door right now. We should let her in…