Ask Babe: Tanning = Death

Dear Queen B,

I’m super torn and I need your help. Tanning: chic or not chic? I can’t decide. I’m naturally fair-skinned, so on one hand I feel like I can rock the pale French runway look, but on the other hand, tanning can give you skin cancer, and I’ve heard you can get super thin from chemo. Any suggestions? Love you!

XOXO,

S********

 

Donatella Versace,

Are you fucking insane? Tanning does for your skin what smoking a pound of meth will do for your skin/brain/lungs: destroy it. Do you want to look like a suitcase by the time you’re 25? I don’t think so. And yes, I’ve heard that chemotherapy can be a really great weight loss tool, but it’s also unfortunately a good hair loss tool, and I’m sorry for saying this, but looking like a Holocaust survivor stopped being chic after 1994.

Various derms have told me that 30 minutes of sun exposure per day can be great for your mental health/ a natural source of Vitamin D, but that doesn’t mean you can fry yourself at peak UV hours. It means you can be outside if you’re wearing a huge floppy hat to cover your face, shoulders and chest and reapplying sunscreen every hour on the hour.

I also just cannot deal with spray tans. I used to get them when I was super depressed, but after a few years I realized that I wasn’t getting spray tans because I was depressed, I was depressed because I was getting spray tans. They smell like shit and are streaky/weird and full of chemicals. Now, when I’m desperate for a glow, I just use some bronzing oil and get over it. NARS makes a good one that won’t transfer onto your clothes, or give you shimmery stripper skin. Best of luck to you. I feel like you’re going to need it. And don’t call me “Queen B” ever again.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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