So Coachella Happened…

And it was a fashion embarrassment for most everyone involved. I’m unclear on people thinking that they can resuscitate the worst trends from the 60’s just because they’re at a music festival in Palm Springs. I didn’t go, because I don’t speak fringe, I’ve seen the Yeah Yeah Yeahs perform seven times (I got really obsessed with Karen O. one summer) and my astrologist said my natal planets were not aligned in a way that I’d be able to spiritually handle seeing Vanessa Hudgens in the flesh. For those of you who missed it, here’s a recap of what everyone was doing/wearing:

Bella and Gigi kept it chic, as per usual:

Paris did not:

Francesca Eastwood brought her dad. Cute.

Robert and Kristen were bored, which was kind of hot.

Behati Prinsloo channeled her inner Britney Spears and wore a wig.

Ireland Baldwin channeled her inner Babette and wore an entirely unclear look:

Kate Bosworth employed one of my favorite weight loss tricks and wore fur/black in the desert:

Then felt skinny enough to wear a tank top and shorts like everyone else:

But was ultimately out-chiced by Diane Kruger:

Alexander Skarsgård was a beacon of darkness and sex:

And Jared Leto was a beacon of darkness:

But Andrej Pejić was a beacon of light and hope:

And was able to bring Jared out of his dark place for a split second:

Alessandra Ambrosio was overly excited:

And overly fringed:

Then overly drunk:

Sky Ferriera was overly over it:

Whitney Port looked great:

Lindsay Lohan looked scary/bruised/puffy:

My boyfriend wore a horrible hat:

And did a horrible dance:

Tallulah Willis also did a weird little dance:

Smoked a joint behind a dumpster:

Got the side-eye from Solange Knowles:

And fell down:

Rumer was worried:

And Vanessa was just being Vanessa:

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Anonymous

    I am A-OK with Tallulah’s cat eye sunglasses, green wrap tank, general bra-less-ness, smiley face socks, highwaist swimwear, military boots, and joint smoking. Too bad she pulled a Michelle Williams (think Destiny’s Child not Dawson’s Creek), I’m sure Solange pushed her.

  • Alexandra

    They pretty much all look awful.

  • Leigh

    god, i can’t stand vanessa. her high-pitched voice messes with my energy and i had to cleanse for three days after spring breakers because i felt like i had gained weight just from watching her.

  • karter

    glad Paris found a boyfriend who is taller than her, so why the flats?