You’re A Bitch, Mother Nature

The apocolypse is coming. I think.

Tornados in Oklahoma, floods in Texas, colliding trains in Connecticut, Amanda Bynes’ wig, Amanda Bynes on the elliptical, Amanda Bynes in jail.

In lieu of the current tragedies/travesties, I spent most of this past weekend curled up in a swaddle of Loro Piana cashmere throws, shivering, crying, sweating, sending passive aggressive text messages to my therapist and asking The Universe why?!

Well seventy two hours and ten pounds later, I’m getting up, taking action, and hiring a team of designers to create a private bunker/storm shelter/free standing closet on the grounds of Chateau Babe.

This state of the art luxury safe house will include:

A hydroponic marijuana garden

A bullet/storm/Prometheus proof glass dome

A three year supply of dried kale, sprouted almonds, and clear alcohol.

A framed 8×10 of my boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio

An electrical setting to simulate the seasons (and the accompanying wardrobes)

A fully staffed home spa

… Am I missing anything?

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