An Open Letter To Hillary Clinton

Madam President (?),

You finally joined Twitter (four years late). Congratulations. Welcome.

Unfortunately your social media presence kind of reminds me of my Tai Tai: you just learned how to use modern technology, you’re really cute about it, we’re all super proud of you/we love you for trying, but you’re probably going to die soon (which will be a huge pain in the ass for anyone who has to attend your funeral).

Soooooooooooooo as someone who cares about the future of our country/wants a position in the next administration/is really fucking scared of Republicans, here is some free advice from a person who still has more Twitter followers than you.

1. Trade in your Blackberry for an iPhone 5 (Trust me, you and Siri will be besties because I think she’s Chinese)

2. Avoid using phrases such as “lol”/”lolz”/”lmfao”/”rofl” (Not cute if you’re over 30, or at any)

3. Don’t give it away all at once (Stay mysterious. Keep us guessing. Avoid a sex tape).

4. Get an Instagram (Suggestions: Pics of your closet/Chelsea in middle school/You on the elliptical/Bill doing anything)

5. Get a Vine (Suggestions: Anything but videos of you mouthing the lyrics to Top 40 songs)

6. Don’t try too hard, just be Hillary. (The self described “Wife, mom, lawyer, women & kids advocate, FLOAR, FLOTUS, US Senator, SecState, author, dog owner, hair icon, pantsuit aficionado, glass ceiling cracker, TBD…”).

7. What’s a TBD and how do I become one?


One response to “An Open Letter To Hillary Clinton”

  1. Laura Avatar

    TBD = to be determined! Duhhhh!

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