Ask Babe: On Beauty Pageants

Dear Babe,

I would love to hear your opinion on the 2013 Miss America Pageant.

Please and thank you.

J***

Dear Donald Trump,

While I’m still not sure why we continue to celebrate women who wear stripper heels, too much hair spray, and have orange skin, watching these Paula Abdul impersonators struggle to form sentences on national television, can be kind of amazing, so let’s review.

Miss West Virginia

 Loves plastic surgery, cats, and is 85.

Miss Utah

A Disney villain.

Miss New York

Kirstie Alley X Jenny Craig X Ali Larter X Kate Hudson.

Miss South Carolina

Local newscaster.

Miss Virginia

Professional Wrestler.

Miss Connecticut

Janice Dickenson impersonator.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.

Can someone explain to me the difference between Miss America and Miss USA.

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  • Halley JP

    The only time I think a girl should wear a tiara like that is while she’s riding a sexy greek on a yacht, banging a russian while he’s throwing coke, ecstasy or ipads at you, or he’s your husband and you’re playing dress-up on your tenth anniversary. loved your book, stalk your insta-twat.
    love you and seriously mean it. xoxoxo/halley

    PS: i love you a lot – even despite today’s “heals” vs. “heels” faux pax.

  • Casey

    The difference is usually described as “Miss America is the girl next door. Miss USA is the girl you wish lived next door.”

    Miss America is a scholarship competition, holds a talent portion, and is a non-profit organization. Miss USA is essentially a modeling competition, owned by Trump, and the winner goes to Miss Universe.

  • Anna

    So I thought Miss Illinois was gorgeous & well-spoken, maybe she could have won if she hadn’t gone all Morticia Adams with her final dress. It was not appropriate for a pageant.

  • Oasis

    Miss USA doesn’t have a talent competition.