The Threat Of Sweat

I’m in New York for the week and it’s literally India here. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to India but it’s literally Africa there. I’m on the verge of sweating for the first time in my life. Every model in this city is overheating. Mayhem.

So, in the spirit of Summer, here are some tips for surviving the heat:

1.) Burn your closet (A fresh outlook is necessary. Consult my recent collaboration with Barney’s to find your next in-look.)

2.) Avoid a shiny forehead (If you still have sweat glands, exfoliate every ninety minutes. Or get botox injections).

3.) Smell like winter. (The scent of Summer 2013 is Winter 2014, trust).

4.) Get in shape (You’ll burn calories, improve flexibility, and attract the attention of your future husband).

5.) Stay pale (Sun damage is not chic. Unless you’re 95).

6.) Don’t eat until September 21st (An all liquid diet is a must for summer. And no, hot dogs do not count just because they “used to be liquid” before they were incased in skin).

7.) Refrigerate (If you’re not shivering while at home, your body will forget it’s alive and shut down).

8.) If all else fails, take a weekend in Australia/Upstate New York (It’s winter there, I think).

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