Your Boyfriend: Summer Edition

Summer’s fucking here again, and that means heat, weekend skiing, Como (if you’re old and still into Clooney), private yachts (owned, never rented), no school, no work, no clothes.

It also means summer relationships.  And while I need to steer clear right now (my shaman says my aura is demanding too much self love to care about having sex with anyone else), the same may not be true for all of you.  Keep in mind my special summer qualifications and you’ll have the perfect summer boyfriend.

 Height compatibility (6 ft. plus)

Hair (self explanatory)

Sun avoidance (NO tanning)

Acceptable gifts (Tiffany & Co.)

Financial stability (no kickstarting a trip to Cabo)

Sexually viable (Armie Hammer need not apply)

Contractual obligation (for actors and musicians only)

An expiration date (Sept. 1)

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