The Nightmare Before Black Friday

For all you masochists venturing into the void otherwise known as Black Friday, I partnered with Rdio (much chicer than Spotify, trust) and curated a playlist that will aid you on what will no doubt be a troubling  journey:

1) Flim – Aphex Twin

Get in a place of zen and focus on the mission ahead. Feel thin/modely because you only had a glass of white wine, a Marlboro Light and one serving of green beans for Thanksgiving dinner.

2) Free Your Mind – Cut Copy

Center yourself, breathe, repeat your mantra. Walk into a Nordstrom. Trust that the universe will deliver a Helmut Lang angora sweater for 70% off.

3) Do My Thang – Miley Cyrus

Realize that trolling the sales rack isn’t for you and go to Barneys instead.

4) Obsession – Animotion

See the hiking boot-esque platforms from Prada F/W 2013 and realize your life has been incomplete up to this point.

5) Raped And Freezin’ – Alice Cooper

Buy the Prada platforms. Feel triumphant. Move to the ready-to-wear floor.

6) Violet – Hole

Realize they’re sold out of The Row handbag of your dreams and feel like dying.

7) Nobody Asked Me (If I Was Okay) – Sky Ferreira 

Find a quiet dressing room in which you can curl up and silent scream.

8) Enjoy The Silence – Depeche Mode

Silent screaming is basically the equivalent of 30 minutes of intense cardio. Try on a blazer and practice your catwalk.

9) Pepper – Butthole Surfers

Find an incredible Rodarte dress. Even though the world can be a cold place, all is not lost.

10) Inspector Norse – Todd Terje

Celebrate your purchases. You did great.

11) Shoplifters Of The World Unite – The Smiths

Play a song for Winona. Send her good vibrations.

12) Always Forever – Cults

Accept that shopping is your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, lover, mother, father, sister, brother and learn to live with it.

In light of the holiday season or whatever, I’m giving away a free yearlong subscription to Rdio to one of you psychos. To enter, leave a comment below and tell me the song that makes you want to spiral out of control with drugs, shopping, alcohol, etc. I’ll choose my favorite and announce the winner on Monday, December 2nd.

And if you’re chic enough to already be following me on Rdio, let me know and I might follow you back.