Ask Babe: Getting Over An Ex?

Dear Babe,

How do you get over an ex? Should I jump right back into dating?

S****

Dear Glenn Close In Fatal Attraction,

Jumping into a new relationship any less than 2 weeks after a breakup is a bad idea (unless said person is Leo, Ryan Lochte, a member of the Lakers or Gwyneth). Getting over an ex is less about the person you’re getting over and more about you.  First, you have to move on from the pre-breakup “you” to the post-breakup “you.”  This requires a few very important steps, namely the right juice cleanse, an ivy league educated therapist, a hot trainer who you can fuck in between sessions, and a computer genius capable of removing any traces of your ex from your online life. Second, constantly remind yourself that you don’t need a man to make you happy. While there are many ways to do this I typically have my interns send me daily, anonymous gifts until I’m physically and spiritually ready to re-enter the world.  

If none of this works you can always revenge-fuck his best friend/new girlfriend. 

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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