In case you’ve been hiding under a rock for the past month, I’m here to serve you a very important PSA: Gwyneth Paltrow and Tracy Anderson have a web series called The Restart Project where they interview sad people about how they pulled themselves out of a dark place and are now living in the light with the rest of us. It’s not especially chic, but it also kind of is because it’s Gwyneth and Tracy and they never do shit like this. I will warn you though that some of the episodes are real tearjerkers. So skip those and just watch the ones where G&T talk to ex-obese people.
To all you psychos who sent me emails over the holidays calling me a cunt and asking me where the fuck I’ve been since December 12th: THANK YOU. It’s so nice to know that a bunch of randos who I’ll probably never meet care so much about me. I was dealing with a devastating loss that brought up so many intense emotions for me that I just needed to take a break, refresh, rejuvenate, visit a secluded beach, and talk to my therapist on the phone every night until 2am. Losing Paul Walker was like losing a hot stepbrother who I always wanted to fuck but never did, you know? But I just finished a 10-day cleanse, got a colonic and I’m ready to grab 2014 by the balls, so I guess you could call this MY “restart moment.” Namaste.