My Boyfriend: Emma Watson’s Boyfriend

As it turns out, my boyfriend-du-jour already has a girlfriend…

You may think this is an inappropriate arena for the announcement that this particular man is also MY boyfriend, but I had no choice. This is where I feel most comfortable. Sorry, Ems.

His Name is Matthew Janney, his mom isn’t Allison Janney which is a huge shame because like everyone else on this planet, I’ve wanted her to be my mom-in-law since The Hours, and he’s still in college which I’m obsessed with, obviously. He lets me wear what I want, he’s especially into jumpsuits for some reason but I don’t ask questions. He is funny…enough. He looks like a real male human, and not a clone of Channing Tatum like the rest of the boyfriends in LA and also everywhere else that’s not LA. Sidenote: when did every “hot” guy start to look like an extra from Magic Mike? I think he plays rugby or some sort of British-ish football type of sport because sometimes at the end of the day he smells good-bad and sometimes he just smells bad-bad, the kind of bad you can only achieve after sports. I promised my dad I’d never date an athlete after my stint with Dennis Rodman in high school, but he said he’d make an exception because of the British thing.

I know it will never work out, but I think that’s what I like about it.




4 responses to “My Boyfriend: Emma Watson’s Boyfriend”

  1. Kellee Koga Avatar
    Kellee Koga

    he is pretty delicious!

  2. Jeanne Arceneaux Avatar
    Jeanne Arceneaux

    lets*, exception*

    I love you, Babe, but get your shit together.

  3. Blonde_Closet Avatar

    Allison Janney was in The Help not The Hours you heifer. Put the psychedelics down before you eat your weight on ice cubes.

  4. jujubees Avatar

    Allison Janney was also in The Hours. She played Meryl Streep’s character’s lover. Just sayin’.

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