I’m at a major crossroads. Not only have I prayed for Shia, but I’ve also seen his dick more times than I care to admit (3 times: 2 from sexts he sent me and 1 from this video). Then, just when I thought I was over him, I see this:
So. Many. Questions.
1. Why do I feel so turned on?
2. How much meditating will I have to do in order to be physically strong enough to delete his number from both my iPhones?
3. Who is his dentist?
4. How can one person be so James Franco and yet so Amanda Bynes?
Shia, please. You’re scaring me. I thought I was the only person you sent dick pics to. I feel so ashamed but I’m going to release my shame via a 10-hour bath nap. Hopefully when I wake up we’ll all be in a better place.