Sometimes the Universe sends messages that you need to stop doing so many drugs. Like when your cleaning lady accidentally eats some of your mushroom chocolates and thinks you’re the devil incarnate. Or when you do too much coke at a party and find yourself crying tears of actual emotion while singing Crash Into Me to a roomful of people as Ryan Phillippe plays along on his acoustic guitar.
And then there are times when you’re trying to come down from an acid trip so you take an Ambien and decide to peruse the shows from Paris Fashion Week on Style.com until you fall asleep, but instead you find yourself falling down a rabbit hole of psychedelia thanks to Dries Van Noten F/W ’14.
First you’re feeling a little light headed.
Then everything in your bedroom is too shiny so you put on some sunglasses.
Then you become convinced that your sunglasses are magic sunglasses that have transported you to Hawaii.
And you’re at a luau with all your friends.
A blue drink appears in your hand, and you take a sip (even though you would NEVER normally drink anything blue, so much sugar) and the world starts spinning.
Suddenly you’re back in bed. For a minute everything is calm.
And then everything is not calm.
You start to hyperventilate.
The walls are caving in.
And you see yourself die.
But you also attend your own funeral. Chic.
Then you go to heaven, where everything is wonderful.
You wake up the next morning in the fetal position on the floor of your closet, clutching a pair of sunglasses. Even though you’ve had the best sleep of your life, it might be time to take a monthlong break from hallucinogens.