The “Welcome Home From Rehab” Look

It’s happened. I leaked Part B of the first chapter of my new book, Psychos. Read it here. In short, it’s about how leaving rehab made me realize even my closest friends can fail to appreciate my soul, my spirit, my heart, and how amazing my outfit is. Speaking of outfits, this was my look for my “Welcome Home From Rehab” party:

Curating the perfect “Welcome Home From ______” look is all about sending the right message to your adoring public/frenemies. When reemerging into your social circle after being gone for awhile, it’s always advisable to wear a one piece garment, like a jumpsuit. I like to think it relays the message that you really have your shit together. In the above look I used a classic, staple piece (vintage Pucci jumpsuit) to subtly remind my friends of how integral I was to their lives pre-rehab, and I wore a silk cape to say “You could have lost me forever, but I made it through the darkness. However I’m still super delicate, so please be gentle with me and tell me how pretty I am.” The Prada shoes from Spring ’08 gave people something artistic to look at and appreciate, and the Buddha Judith Leiber clutch sent a message of love and light to everyone around me.

So, let’s say you’re attending a “Welcome Back From Your 5150” party. In that case, this Diane von Furstenberg patterned jumpsuit, paired with these Gianvito Rossi patent leather red lightning bolt sandals says “Yes, I know I’m fucking insane,” while this Charlotte Olympia mini jukebox clutch says “But I love to have fun. Sue me.”

For a “Welcome Back From Your Desert Detox” Party, this tie-dyed, silk chiffon Balmain jumpsuit paired with these Saint Laurent platform pumps says “I’m thinner and chicer than ever before, so fuck all you guys for getting me hooked on coke,” while this Judith Leiber succulent clutch says “I also have a deep appreciation for nature now. Namaste.” Never underestimate the chicness factor of a really rude Judith Leiber clutch. They are secretly everything.

If you’re bi but you decided to date John Mayer even though you knew it would end badly and of course he ended up crushing your heart so you’re deciding to be a full-blown lesbian now, your friends will definitely be throwing you a “Welcome Back From That Dick” party, in which case this open-back crepe jumpsuit by Iro says “I’m really serious about my newly declared sexuality,” these Rochas polka dot platforms say “I’m also a super feminine lipstick lez,” and this Christian Louboutin spiked clutch says ” And I will use this clutch to crush the balls of any straight man with an acoustic guitar who gets too close to me.”

P.S. – I hate hate hate hate hate the word “leak.”

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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