Ask Babe: Love Affair

May 23, 2014


Babe,

I’m in love.

I really love cocaine, but I cant afford it all the time. Help.

Love,

J**

 

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

I know you’ve run into some financial issues, of late. You really need to chill with the coke, babe. It’s not cute. I get that you love coke. Who the fuck doesn’t love coke? Everyone loves coke! It’s coke.

Moderation is key here. Once a week, max. Actually once a month, max for you. Restore peoples faith in you. You could probably have a major comeback if you just laid off the powder. K bye.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Colleen

    So, when you say once a month max, you mean like, only BUY it once a month? And just like, stick to sharing other peoples coke on the weekends you’re not purchasing it yourself?