When I Was In Japan Last Month….

So I was away last month at a secret mountain resort which is nestled in the foothills surrounding Kyoto, Japan. I was being true to myself, being silent, being present, being thin, being BABE. After I felt refocused enough to emerge from my Zen nest, I stopped for a few days in Tokyo for some well deserved shopping and a tea binge.

Side note: Have you ever binged on green tea? It’s fucking MAY-HAY-JOR. Like it’s better than being on Molly at Coachella. You just drink green tea all day long on an empty stomach, and you feel like a trillion bucks.

Anyway, I was having my fun “Lost in Translation” moment in Tokyo, minus Bill Murray, when my wave of ‘life-love’ came to a crashing halt. I was flipping through the channels on the hotel TV when I came across this advertisement. It sadly reminded me about how sad humanity is at times.

What the fuck is that fucking thing? I’m all for a tight face, but this is not OK. So that’s when I decided to return to LA and begin leading people back toward the right path again. I’m fixed. The world needs me. I’m really back now.



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4 responses to “When I Was In Japan Last Month….”

  1. Caroline Avatar

    There’s a reason Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t actually use the thing in the vid

  2. kdawg Avatar


  3. mak Avatar

    I can never regain that 30 seconds of my life…

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