Tonight, I pray that no one thanks their fucking husbands or wives when they accept their academy award. It’s annoying. We get it. You’re married. You’re in love. You’re happy. Everyone’s looking at you. Everyone’s loving you. Even people who don’t give a shit about you are loving you right now. People who have been to zero of your movies are looking at you tonight like you’re a fucking goddess. This is your moment. Les Mis was a critical success and your vagina was an even bigger success. Your mom’s crying. All of your friends are really proud of you. You’re in love. You’re so thankful for your husband. Your hair is still so short. You’re kind of annoying. We get it.