My Ex Boyfriend: Carson Daly

Boyfriends usually end up disappointing you.  Everything is perfect, and then somewhere down the road they fart or you change or your cat dies or their mother hates you and the next thing you know you’re screaming at each other across the pool at Chateau, then calling room service, ordering ten vegan pizzas and crying all over the Hermes sheets. 

So even though Carson and I have been officially over for years, I guess I’ll always be able to look back at our relationship and remember when my boyfriend wasn’t  a complete tool.

My boyfriend actually used to be really hot.

He knew everyone worth knowing.

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LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Boyfriends, I Am Love, My Boyfriend, Pets, Relationships | 6 Comments

Margaritas terrify me. #whitegirlproblems

Beat Babe: Divergent

Shailene, Shailene, Shailene, 

Who are you?

Where are you?

Are you southern?

Once upon a time, you were in a movie with George Clooney.

But now, you are divergent.

Once upon a time, your star was shining bright in the cold clear night.

But now, you are divergent.

Once upon a time, you were thin, had perfect skin, and could have been my twin.

But now, you are divergent.

Once upon a time, you were in The Spectacular Now, and were quite well renowned.

But now, you are divergent.

This movie looks fucking horrible.

Please get your shit together.  

Rebels.

Die.

Young.

Have you seen Kate Winslet’s nipples?

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Beat Babe, Celebs, Cigarettes, Death | 4 Comments

I wasn't getting tan enough sitting on my back porch, so I went to Mexico. #whitegirlproblems