Ask Babe: Um. Hi? Me? You?

Dear Babe,

You’re a dumb fucking cunt. Read a book. I thought you’d be skinny n’ pretty but you’re ugly n’ fat w tiny beady eyes n’ a pig nose. Get some work done if you’re so rich. Fat cunt.

-J***

Dear Fucking People Everywhere,

As you all know, and as I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus for the past few weeks because a very important person came back into my life and I had no choice but to devote all of my time, compassion, and love to them.

This person’s name is Babe Walker.

Over the past few years, life has been hectic. Chic and very dramatic, but hectic. I mean, I wrote two fucking books about it and I’ll probably be writing more. Just saying. So I needed to reintroduce myself to myself, let me take me out, and give Babe a moment with Babe. You understand. But in this general intermission of creativity, I’ve been getting hate mail like the above, and I’ve been getting it in large amounts. I think people are confused by my absence and they’ve been taking it out on me in an angry tone. I understand.

So, why don’t I just let you in on a few of the things I’ve been up to this summer and the two of us can start to rebuild this fucking bridge, or whatever. I’ve been really busy:

+Not eating yellow foods.

+Learning to drive stick-shift.

+Learning to drive stick-shift drunk/high/drunk and high.

+Hiking with my shaman, Steve, in Montana with his mom whose golden retriever is dying of cancer. The sheer non-glamour of all of that literally changed the way I see the world. Highly recommend

+Not eating purple foods.

+Watching Leo play with water guns.

+Crying about Leo’s weight while looking at pictures of him playing with water guns on Instagram.

+Taking Japanese cooking classes. In Spain.

+Trying to unlearn how to read. My therapist says that this can be helpful for bulimics (which I guess I am again?).

+Shopping, obviously.

 

Okayyyyyyy, psychos? And how are you??

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Ask Babe, Babe, Therapy, Writing | 6 Comments

I still can't wrap my mind around cocktails being fattening. #whitegirlproblems

I’m Not Dead.

I’m not dead.  I promise.

But on my 26th birthday a few weeks ago, I took a vow of silence. This has limited my ability to interact with people, therefore I’ve been staying home, with Robert, watching all the episodes of Orange Is The New Black, Six Feet Under, and RHOA.

I will be back soon. Very soon. Very, Very soon.

 

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Babe | 13 Comments

I'm not dead. #whitegirlproblems