Babe Walker’s Guide To Halloween

Is Halloween cute? Is it chic? I honestly don’t know. Every year my opinion on the whole mess of it changes. Like, once at a Halloween party in NYC, stylist and friend, Brad Goreski, came dressed as Anna Dello Russo and that was chic. And he went all the way in, so much so that I barely recognized him. So, fine. Sometimes it’s chic. But once I went to a house party here in Beverly Hills dressed as Geena Davis in A Long Kiss Goodnight (chic) and there was nothing to drink besides some sort of buttery, rum punch (not chic!!!!). Either way, beware of ghouls, ghosts, murderers etc, but also beware of invitations to parties that might be filled with basics.

Do: Hot yoga twice daily for the four days leading up to Halloween.

Don’t: Buy/wear anything that has the word “costume” on the tag or label.

Don’t: Candy Corn.

Do: Dye your hair for a night.

Don’t: If somebody close to you asks to borrow ANYTHING from your precious vintage Pucci collection because they’re being someone from fucking Boogie Nights or some shit, the answer is always and forever: NO.

Do: If someone holds a gun to your head and forces you to dress as a witch or a member of The Craft, incorporate Prada.

Do: Tell people you don’t like that they look the best you’ve ever seen them look and you’re shocked.

Don’t: Haunted houses.

Do: An Ursula moment.

Don’t: LSD, mushrooms, peyote, psilocybin, PCP.

Do: Invite three friends that you’re not in a fight with over to drink tequila and watch Jamie Lee Curtis movies with. Even the not scary ones are on theme for the holiday.


Posted in Food, Friends, Holidays, I Am Culture, I Am Fashion, I Am Health, Spirituality | 1 Comment

Are you gonna apologize for that Micheal Kors watch or do I have to be passive aggressive towards you all day? #whitegirlproblems

You’re A Babe: Toni Braxton Then

First of all, put down your almond latté and take a moooooment to remember this look. THIS LOOK?? Hello? Everything else that anyone ever tried to make happen on the Grammys red carpet is death after this look. Love it or hate, you have to love it. The shoe is heinous but I’m letting it slide. Don’t pay attention to the shoe.

Toni Braxton has a husky voice that reminds me of being ten and grinding with hot guys at bar-mitzvahs. I think “You’re Makin’ Me High” was playing the first time I frenched a guy with braces on.  I had braces for one week, as a joke.

The reason I’m in the mood to celebrate Toni at this juncture, is that, you may not know this, but I’ve been going through a super heartbreak-y time in my life. I’ll get into it later, but jesus, I’m fucking exhausted. 90s R&B slow jams are all that I have right now.

So thank you Faith, Mary, Monica, and most of all Toni, for not only giving me a reason to love myself again, but for reminding me that a ripped, white, satin sheet is often the best choice. Especially on Halloween. And especially when you’re newly single and acting like a slut but in a cute way, which I might be doing.

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I just don't want you to be happy. #whitegirlproblems