A Reading From the Gospel of Yeezus

My dad’s New York Times subscription paid off once again when I saw they had an in-depth interview with Kayne.  Yeezy has flirted with chicness and shriekness over the years, but with this article he comes down firmly on the chic side, current procreational partners notwithstanding.   Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve said the exact same things as he did:

“Maybe 90 percent of the time it looks like I’m not having a good time.”

I mean, really.

“Yo, I’m going to be super Zenned out like, five years from now.”

This is exactly what my team of therapists, shamans, and psychics are working to achieve.

“The Louvre would have a furniture exhibit, and I visited it like, five times, even privately.”

Same for me, except seven times, all privately, and I may have bought several of the pieces for my personal collection.  Don’t hate me?

“I feel like I don’t want to be inside anymore. Like, I uninvited myself.”

Yessss.

“I’m still, like, slightly a snob.”

Um, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

“ If I don’t scream, if I don’t say something, then no one’s going to say anything, you know?”

It’s so good to remember that someone else is working to make society aware of our collective Taylor Swift problem.

“Why do you want to control me? Like, I want the world to be better! All I want is positive! All I want is dopeness! Why would you want to control that?”

Thank you.  My advice, my stories, my thinspirational posts all come from an altruistic place, not a judgemental one.

“It’s only led me to complete awesomeness at all times. It’s only led me to awesome truth and awesomeness. Beauty, truth, awesomeness. That’s all it is.”

Amen.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Celebs, Lifestyle, Music | 1 Comment

The biggest issue I have with being ahead of my time is that once people catch up, I'm bored. #whitegirlproblems

Ask Babe: Getting Deep

Hi Babe,

You always talk about deep conditioning your hair and I was wondering what’s the chicest one? Like do I use the Kérastase or Shu Umera? Or neither? 

A********

 

Dear Person In Need Of A Hair Shaman,

Finally someone’s asking me a meaningful question! Whether you color your hair or not, deep conditioning treatments are essential for hair maintenance so that you don’t end up looking like Medusa. I’ve tried just about everything, including traveling to My current mask schedule is pared down to the following routine:

In accordance with my beliefs that, in order to achieve outer beauty you must first start from within, I take Phyto Phytophanère Supplements every day. They’re manufactured in Paris, they’re chic, and they’re magical. Also, Jerry Hall once told me that hair vibrancy is directly related to a person’s karmic alignment, so I always have my shaman do a monthly karmic assessment just to make sure everything’s solid. I don’t want to have dull, lifeless mane because I was a gargoyle in a past life, you know? This deep conditions my hair as well as my soul.

Once a week, I use Wella’s Brilliance Treatment in place of my usual conditioner. I leave it in for 5-10 minutes while I steam or do a body scrub, and then rinse it out. My haircut person recommended this mask to me when I was recovering from a brutal split ends scenario. I almost slapped her when I saw the price tag (it’s unholy how inexpensive this stuff is, like to the point of being untrustworthy). But I gave it a try and now I’m obsessed. It makes my hair feel super soft and smell fucking incredible. Aside from that staple, every three days I will coat my hair with Rene Furterer’s Intense Nourishing Oil before bed, and let it soak in overnight. It also smells amazing, and I have the most vivid sex dreams. Rene Furterer’s Intense Nourishing Mask is also great to use on a bi-weekly basis for a super deep condition moment.  Also (this is super important) I always, always ALWAYS do a final rinse of my hair/body with ice cold water. This seals hair cuticles to lock in shine, and all the shivering burns at least 100 calories.

That about sums it up.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Ask Babe, Beauty, Hair, Shamans | 2 Comments

Bad Hair = Bad Soul #whitegirlproblems