I’m in love with my step brother, which tends to make the holidays really awkward. Do I just get drunk, fuck him, and get over it?
Dear Cher 2.0,
You’re insane, and I love you for that. A few things you need to take inventory of:
1 ) His penis – is it big? If it’s not, prepare for your holidays to get WAY more awkward once you discover that he’s packing a handgun, as opposed to a rifle, and up and leave the bedroom.
2 ) Where are you going to fuck? In your house? You guys might want to get a hotel room. But, like, a nice hotel room.
3 ) Are you really in love with him, or do you just hate your step dad or step mom and want to ruin your whole family’s lives?
4 ) Have you guys ever gone on a date? Because you should definitely go on a date first.
5 ) If you guys went on a date, would he be paying?
6 ) Does he love you? Does he hate you? Do you love him because he hates you?
7 ) Have you guys even made out? Is he a good kisser? Don’t fuck him if you haven’t made out with him first.
8 ) Don’t get drunk first. But maybe get him drunk? But not if you think he’ll have a hard time getting a boner. On second thought, don’t fuck him.
Fuck him for sure. Let me know how it goes.