As I was laying here getting my teeth professionally whitened, it occurred to me that I should probably start responding to some of you freaks who have been emailing me questions through the “Ask Babe” section of my blog. So here goes:
I’m having sex with a super hot model. But the sex itself isn’t super hot. Do I just pretend to be into it cause he’s so hot, or find someone else? I am burning a ton of calories from the sex.
Dear Model Fucker,
Believe me when I tell you that sleeping with models isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact male models, as a species, tend to be some of the most needy, insecure, emotionally stunted, eating disorder prone, body hairless, mirror hogging individuals on the planet. When you think about it that way, how could they be good in bed? I even had one model ask me to bleach his asshole for him once, so…
But what’s important to remember here is that you aren’t having sex with him for the SEX. You’re having sex with him so that one day, when you need to make a boyfriend or a co-worker jealous, you’ll have your male model to use as a pawn in that game. Think of fucking him as a little insurance policy. All it takes are some intimate photos of you and the model on Facebook and abracadabra: instant jealousy bomb. Works every time. (Always take photos when sleeping with models or somebody famous because you will invariably need them at some point in the future. Trust me on this.)
Bottom line: It’s not like you have to marry this sexually inferior Adonis, but he’s good to have in your iCloud address book, just in case you get invited to a premiere or a gala. I say keep him around until someone with a bigger dick comes along.
P.S.- He’s Gay.