Beat Babe: The Golden Globes

Hi Psychos,

As I’ve mentioned before, I became a poet a few years ago after a super, super, super, super, super, super, super dark period in my life when I became bedridden after having a horse accident while wearing some oversized, vintage Emmanuel Kahn sunglasses.

So today, I’m gonna share my latest piece with you guys. It’s def in a rough draft form, but who cares–I’m pretty sure nobody reads this blog anyway. I wrote it this morning, and I know it’s pretty obvious that the poem is about the Golden Globes tonight, but I figured I’d clarify, just in case that goes over any of your cute little psycho heads. Here it is:


If I drink one more smoothie I’m going to rape you:

rape you.

If I eat one more broccoli I’m going to kill you:

rape you.

If I take one more Adderall® I’m going to cut you:

kill you.

If I see one more Marchesa I’m going to stab you:

cut you. 

So get off me, Steve (Carell).

Hope you enjoyed, have a safe globes tonight.

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