As some of you know, there was a party last Friday in LA celebrating the release of my book, White Girl Problems by Babe Walker. I unfortunately didn’t make it to the party thanks to a Xanax/Juice Cleanse that left me passed out from Thursday night until Sunday afternoon. Then, when I finally came to and looked in the mirror on Sunday, my hair was in such a state of oiliness that I passed back out, knocked my head on the bathroom counter, and am now writing you from the 7th floor of Cedars Sinai. The good news is I checked in under an alias (Julia Roberts) so I am channeling that healing energy and hope to make a full recovery. The other good news is that I’ve also lost about 12.776 pounds since Thursday, making the Xanax Juice Cleanse Head Injury Diet one of my best yet.
Back to the party: I got my hands on a bunch of photos from the event so that all you sadsies who couldn’t make it can re-live the experience with me. Let’s see…
The party was at American Rag on La Brea.
There was a window display that I had my assistants set up with very detailed instructions: “make it chic or you’re both fucking fired.”
VeeV provided organic cocktails. (I swear I’ve met/slept with/given a BJ to one of the bartenders who was working the event, but can’t exactly remember his name…)
Babycakes provided vegan brownie bites. SO delish. When I get my yearly period I totally pig out and eat 1/2 of one. It satisfies my cravings for something sweet and chocolatey.
Including this guy from Whitney.
I mean, this tiny little psycho even came out to support!
Side note: those shoes may look like Uggs, but they’re not, thank God. She’s 5, so she knows better. Honestly the only people who shouldn’t be stabbed for wearing Uggs are babies and dead people who’ve already been stabbed for wearing Uggs. Also I’m definitely giving this pic to my trainer as a body prototype next time I see him.
All in all, it was a great party (so say my assistants). Tons of people came out, and there are so many people to thank. But most of all, I’d like to thank myself for writing a book, as well as the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for my future Oscar for Best Actress once my book has been made into a feature film starring me.