Ask Babe: To Fuck Or Not To Fuck

Dear Babe,

I need your advice. I go to an Ivy Legue university and I love it, but lately one of my professors has been ALL over me and I don’t know what to do. He’s very sexy, and judging by his art collection, he’s reaaallllyyyy wealthy. He’s kind of like a hybrid of Ralph Fiennes and John F. Kennedy (R.I.P.). I like it. So anyways, He invited me to have dinner with him at this new, super-chic restaurant and I’m a bit reluctant. I have a reputation to uphold here and I feel as if this could potentially tarnish it. Do I proceed in privacy or get the fuck out of there?

C********

 

Dear Lauren Hynde,

Basically, the answer is: you should fuck him. It will be fun. He sounds hot and he’s already buying you dinner, which is more than I can say for Ralph Fiennes, and JFK Jr. is dead, so forget about it.

I mean, you’re in college. This is your 3 to 7 years to just let loose and experiment with drugs, men, women, trannies, mannies, grannies, and professors. It’s a free-for-all, and you should live it up. Trust me when I tell you that no one will give a shit about your reputation during college. What kind of restaurant is he trying to take you to? If it’s sushi, then he probably wants to fuck you. If it’s French, he just wants a blow job and if it’s Italian food, he’s definitely married and might have a kid or two. Either way, you’ll be fine.

You should know, however, that he will either have a really huge penis or a really tiny penis. It’s always one or the other with professors/teachers/gurus/shamans. That type of work really attracts the extremes in the dick department. So make sure you don’t react too strongly during the big reveal. The sight of it is going to shock you either way. Be prepared.

That’s all I got on Profs. They’re all the same and I’ve “seen” my fair share. But don’t you dare do it just to get a better grade. That would be really slutty.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.

PS- They all love anal. Especially the kinda gay ones who have great “art” collections.

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  • Crystalicious

    This is probly the most exciting thing I’ll read all day. Not sure if it’s because I just don’t feel like reading more, or if it’s because I’ll be too shit faced later to read anything.

  • Christina Dunca

    What if he’s really into asian cuisine??