Ask Babe: Tucker Max

Dear Babe,

Would you ever consider sleeping with Tucker Max? In my opinion he is super gross and I feel like anyone who sleeps with him is just, well, pathetic. Are you the heroine who can save the rest of us dignified women from Tucker Max’s womanizing penis?

Love,

B****

 

Dear Girl Who Got Fucked Over By A Guy And Wants to Blame It On Tucker Max,

To answer your question in a word: NO.

I’ve met Tucker, I’ve slept with Tucker, and I’ve got to be honest, he is SUPER nice and not at all what you’d expect from his writing. He came to my Book Launch Party in NYC back in February. I of course wasn’t there (too tired, too full, too a lot of things), but this girl, who I hate, was at the party and gave him my number in an attempt to get me back for fucking her super young uncle. I ended up having the last laugh, because Tucker texted me later that night and we ended up hanging out/sleeping together/getting super stoned/destroying my hotel room and taping the windows black/smoking some opium/having a real blast.

Here’s what I have to say about Tuck: He is one of the gentlest lovers on the planet earth. I was literally expecting him to be as graceful as an Escalade, but he was so sweet, soft and kind.  The Tucker that exists in the books must be some fantasy of what he wishes he could be, or what he thinks he should be.

At the end of the day, Tucker is a nice guy who treated me well. In fact, he may have been too gentle and treated me too well. I think I wish he’d been more like the version of himself that he writes books about. That’s more my speed. I like huge dicks with huge dicks. But what can you do?

So, my dear, you really shouldn’t be worried about Tucker Max and his crazy stories. There’s a lesson here: Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Either that or: Don’t believe everything (anything) you read.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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