An Open Letter To Rihanna “The Actress”

Dear Rih Rih,

I’m sorry that your big debut flopped at the Box Office this weekend. I heard that you previously flirted with acting a few years ago in the 19th sequel to Bring it On, but let’s both pretend that that never happened.

As a closeted sci-fi freak I was initially obsessed when I saw the trailer for “Battleship”. Babe Walker is all about an “alien monster in the ocean” scenario. But the more I thought about it, and trust me I thought about that trailer way more than I care to admit, I was kind of put off by the fact that you were boarding this particular acting train.

I don’t mind a cross-over moment for a musician turned actor, or an actor turned musician, but something about seeing you in a such a huge production made me feel really sad inside. I guess what I’m trying to express is that I knew even if you were a great actress, which I’m sure you are, we would never be able to see that. I would have much rather seen you take on an edgy, small but memorable, angst-y role in a dark, independent film. Perhaps something where you play a rape-victim, or an incest survivor. A character with some real conflict. You know?

Anyway, I feel like you get what I’m saying here. And although I’m saddened by your choice to be in Battleship, I think you still have a chance to win us all over with your acting chops. Everyone deserves a second chance. Even Chris Brown.

I still think you are really tall, so not all hope is lost.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Luminous Vita

    Wow babe that makes sense smaller would have been better.

  • Jeff

    You know what? This is fucking ridiculous. The movie was a BLOCKBUSTER relying on special effects and explosions to draw viewers. Nobody’s “acting chops” were expected to be displayed in any sense of the word. As long as there were some half decent looking people who knew how to read a script in the movie then it achieved its goal.

    The thing is, she wasn’t even half bad in the movie. Hell, compared to the other performances, which were nothing to get excited about, I’d say she was right on par. No one in their right mind expected this to be some great work of art. Get over your cynicism, drop the elitist act, sit back and enjoy the fact that this movie delivered everything that it promised. Adrenaline fueled action.