Ask Babe: Spit Or Swallow

Babe,

Recently, while playing a game of never-have-I-ever with my friends (girls and boys) we discovered that only 50% of us swallow after giving a blow job. What.

It’s completely un-chic to not swallow right? The thought that 50% of the population is walking around with tissues full of spunk in their Birkins makes me want to cry.

L***

 

Dear Chic Beej Giver,

Honestly, I’m glad you’re asking this question. Here’s a good rule to live by: Unless there’s a shirtless manservant standing next to you and your partner holding a silver chalice in which you can deposit the mouthful of post-blowjob semen into, you need to be swallowing. Always.

Semen is very diet-friendly. One ejaculate is usually only 5-7 calories. The only unfortunate thing about semen is that it’s composed of mostly fructose. I wish that wasn’t the case, but life is cruel, and hard, and unfair, and we all just keep pushing through, hoping that things will get easier over time. But yes, swallowing is the best way to handle a blowjob finale. To all the spitters out there: maybe next time you should have the guy come on your tits or face instead? Porno chic.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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