Beat Babe: Birthday Girls (And Boy)

Birthdays are actually the rudest. It’s like, does anyone really need a whole day to carb load and remind themselves that they’re another year closer to their next facelift? Some idiots argue that birthdays are special because they’re the one day of the year that’s all about you, but my M.O. is that every day is all about me, so that point is moot. Despite my feelings about birthdays, I’d like to take a moment to honor three very special people who were born today, May 2, with some haikus:

 

Bianca Jagger

Somewhere in the world

There’s a girl riding a horse

Into a nightclub

 

Donatella Versace

Hair. Lips. Attitude.

Married to a male model.

Mother of glamour.

 

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

I hate wrestling.

All the sweat. The HGH.

But you are a God.

 

Without these three, there would be far less glamour, sophistication, lip injections and muscles in the world, so feel free to have a glass of champagne, a strawberry, and a bite of beef jerky in their honor.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Birthday Girl

    Today is my birthday.