Congratufuckinglations To The Formerly Fat Kelly Clarkson

Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. What I mean is,  if you’re a drunk, even if you get sober, you will always be considered an ‘alcoholic.’ I feel the same way about fat people. Even after they get skinny, they still have a fat personality. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a weight-loss reveal just as much as the next terrified but thin person. So I was thrilled this morning when I saw the photos/video of Kelly Clarkson from last night’s Billboard Music Awards. She looked really amazing.

I hated saying that.

She went from being this person:


To being this person:

And the truth of the matter is that when I watched the video of her singing, I realized she had not only shed the pounds, but she has also shed the fat persona. This is one of the rarest and most beautiful transformations that a human being can undergo. Perhaps more breathtaking than a caterpillar’s change into a colorful butterfly. You should be really proud of yourself, Kelly. I know I am. Thank you for giving up Twinkies and Dr. Pepper or whatever it is that you fat people really like.

Actually, she’s still totally fat. So, never mind.

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