Just a few quick Q’s, to whom they may concern:
1. Why wasn’t Michael Fassbender’s dick featured the way it deserved to be? It had a supporting role in last year’s Shame and it was a really good actor in that.
2. I love sci-fi movies almost as much as I love my own dad, but why does every movie involving aliens have to be about saving Planet Earth from total destruction? I’m over it. Like, who cares, if everyone/everything is blown up at the same time then why does it even matter?
3. Is Charlize back? I’m so confused, and honestly, I’m over things like this being so confusing all the time.
4. Was I supposed to be scared or offended by that alien abortion? What if I told you I haven’t been so aroused by a scene since the last time I saw Bound? Which was last week.
5. Why was Rose Byrne speaking in that weird accent the whole time?
6. If time/space travel will be possible in 2093, does that mean my chance of one day meeting and falling in love with River Phoenix is getting more likely by the day? Oh wait, I’ll be so old in 2093. Part of me feels River will be into my old body though. Oh well, we shall see.
7. Why no Sigourney? I get that her character wasn’t born yet, or whatever, but does that really matter? Sigourney, if you’re reading this, know that I miss you and I think you might be my spirit animal.
8. Wait, how many questions did I say I had?