Armani Privé Couture = Single White Female

We’ve all been there. You meet a girl at a party. She seems beautiful and cool and she keeps telling you how pretty you are. Before you know it, you’re lunching regularly.

Then her boyfriend breaks up with her and she asks to move into your guest house.

Then there’s an “accident” and the guest house burns down and she asks to move into your real house.

She starts stealing your clothes.

Then she starts stealing your friends.

Then she outshines you at your own dinner party.

You sneak off to your psychic in an attempt to do some karmic research. Surely she’s not trying to be you…right? You must be crazy.

Meanwhile, she sneaks off to your boyfriend’s house and fucks him.

Then your boyfriend breaks up with you for “no reason.” You’re devastated.

You’re boyfriend-less, your friends are starting to turn on you, and half your wardrobe is missing. Also, your dog just mysteriously drowned in the infinity pool.

You get home one night, feeling lonely and tired. Your new “friend” tells you to get dressed up because she’s taking you out for a drink.

And then she poisons you.

Nobody suspects her of foul play, because she’s led everyone to believe you had a “serious drug problem,” and you “shouldn’t have mixed alcohol with Xanax.” She shows up to your funeral and cries the loudest.

Behold the Dark Queen.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Elle

    this was perfect

  • samcart

    amazing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/MGlinesAtelier Archduke Morgan Bunny Glines

    Raise your hand if you’re completely over Armani.

    (Babe, you totally nailed it.)

  • http://twitter.com/piqueaboo Pique

    yes, been there

    • http://twitter.com/DippedInCream DivaJulia

      What woman worth her salt HASN’T had this happen to her? I’m just sick of seeing these triflin’ whore steal my kids’ wardrobe style, my taste in cars and music…honestly.

  • Catherine

    this might be my favorite post ever.

  • Emmy04

    Hahahaha love it

  • Kunal

    Superbly told. 

  • Mindy Godel

    Chic to death. 

  • Bob

    you are my soulmate, i have to have you