An Open Letter to Madonna, Desginer

Dear Madge,

I know people get old. You’re doing it badly, but everyone has to. Honestly, by the time I was born, you were already old (or your act was, at least). What I’m saying is that this isn’t coming from a place of ageism. Or even from a place of lingering resentment over you and Gwyneth breaking up. No, I’m saying this from a place of deep integrity.

Your Truth or Dare shoe line almost makes Holmes and Yang look chic.

Maybe this is because I went to so many colleges and heard it so many times, maybe it’s because I’m just inherently original, but I consider plagiarism a serious offense. There’s no pride in copying what someone else has already done AND claiming you did it first. Just do something new first! Or, if you don’t have a single creative bone in your body, find a genius and become their muse for a little while.

When I saw these shoes, I immediately thought “Why am I looking at a Payless collection by one of the Project Runway finalists?” Then I realized the truth. This is nothing more than a shallow, paltry imitation of fetish gear and other, better designer shoes.

Actual fetish shoes freak the shit out of me, but are undeniably ORIGINAL:

It’s like a serial killer sewed together a ballerina and a prostitute and I’ve already bought ten pairs. Compare that to your collection?

Snore. Snore. Snore.

The problem is that all three of these styles were already done by Christian Louboutin, and he did them perfectly. For fuck’s sake, you can get away with wearing ONLY Louboutins and look dressed:

There’s a reason we all have 45 pairs of Louboutins in our closets. There’s no replacing the real thing.

I’m just saying the results of this collection should tell you to say goodbye to fashion design. Buy a new island. Get all the skin on your hands replaced. Stay away from the Golden Globes. Get a(n even) younger boyfriend. Hopefully we can all move past this.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • http://twitter.com/ErinSheehy Erin Sheehy

    How about she just retire and call it a career already? I am sorry, but I cannot stand by a woman who is about to receive her AARP card and repeatedly flashes her tits and struts around in a high school marching band costume. 

    • Leyalsedaat

      looks like you received your AARP card along time ago…. get a look already. you shady bitch!

      • Flynn

        I’m sure there’s a good reason why YOUR picture isn’t posted.  Fat & ugly perhaps?

      • http://twitter.com/ErinSheehy Erin Sheehy

        Someone needs anger management classes… or maybe you just need some class. Either way!

    • Anonymous

      why not? you should admire a woman who doesn’t limit herself just based on certain parameters that society has, by some higher “authority,” set in place.  she’s probably twice your and age looks four times more in shape (myself included!). so what’s wrong with “standing by a woman” who embodies health and pretty much tells critics to fuck off no matter how much shit they spew over the internet/press?? why do women always cut each other down?! we should be supporting one another to reject these bullshit limitations!

      • Anonymous

        that’s such a good way of putting it….raine’s absolutely right. i applaud madonna for shaking her toned ass/flashing a boob at 53 while combating  idiotic limitations placed on women. are we supposed to reliquish our sexuality when we turn a certain age because some people say so?  you never see men really ripping into each other and maybe that’s why there are such stigmas regarding women in general. here’s a woman who’s in aaaaaamazing shape, dances like pro, sells out stadiums, is at the top of her game, AND pushes boundaries 30 years into her career…we can’t get behind that why? because she’s 53? really? ps. this article doesn’t even sound like babe…it sounds like a pissed off lady gaga fan.. just saying. 

        • NeyNey

           i agree that the posts lately are not sounding at all like Babe.  a bit obvious.

      • http://twitter.com/ErinSheehy Erin Sheehy

        My comment was more about that fact that she is of a certain age, and acting like every night is her first night at Señor Frogs by flashing her audience and her questionable costume decisions. I respect her career for what it has been, but I personally don’t think the music is good anymore and she is too old for this latest Madonna reinvention. I am 29 and I think I am too old for that..unless it’s during sex. She has a very muscular body which isn’t my personal goal, but I think it’s great that she can still get through those performances without an oxygen machine because of the work she puts into maintaining her body. 

  • LeylaSedaat

    You are Lame!!! very obvious you are a hater…..lol. Want to discuss further? Please feel free to contact me you BIG LOOSER!!
    Obviously you are a Little Monster lover…. lmao

    • Flynn

      Why don’t you learn how to spell dumb fuck?

      • Chiwhore

        Just how does one spell “dumb fuck?” Just teasing! Saw all the hate and had to lighten it up! I say if Madonna still has a career and makes money and she’s happy go for it- Not my business. Bless you:)

        • Flynn

          I agree about Madonna – more power to her!  I just hate when people start attacking other people but can’t even spell when they’re doing it! LOL!

          • http://twitter.com/jacoboaguirrre Jacob

             madonna is so lame now, she is the queen acting like a cheap pop princess…

    • NeyNey

       loser vs looser = big difference.  do a little research.   

  • Clare

    Babe is not going to contact you, lol. “Big looser”… ha!

  • Jesus

    This online fight is not chic

    • http://twitter.com/ErinSheehy Erin Sheehy

      Right?! I wasn’t aware that my personal opinion was going to mean a cyber-attack! Whatever, I hope they were able to get some aggression out of their systems. It’s stress like that that causes frown lines, so I totally saved them a botox trip. You’re welcome!

  • http://www.facebook.com/MGlinesAtelier Archduke Morgan Bunny Glines

    Love Madonna. The shoes are boring. End of story. 

  • http://twitter.com/jacoboaguirrre Jacob

     Dear Madonna: Remember when you used to look and act like Madonna.

  • kelly

    babeee your headline is spelled wrong. ”desginer”. come on girl. still love you, mean it.