Ask Babe: Friends Who Steal

Babe,

I let my best friend (who shall remain nameless) borrow three pairs of Louboutins and a McQueen scarf. She’s had them for four months and won’t give them back! How do  I ask for them back without sounding like an accusing bitch? I’ve tried to drop hints about it but she isn’t getting it. When I asked her nicely she said she will “soon.” I don’t have time for “soon.” My feet need their C.L.

Love,

N****

 

Dear Nicole Richie circa 2007,

Your Louboutin and McQueen scarf obsession is weirding me out. I think your friend did you a huge favor by taking these passé accessories off your hands. She’s giving you reason to replace them, which means you have a legitimate excuse to shop (not that you really need one ever, but hey–there’s a recession happening and I’m being sensitive to people who can’t just wake up and go shopping anymore).  Also, by allowing you to update your wardrobe, your friend is giving you the gift of one day reaching a chicer level of existence. You should send her a thank you note.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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