Ask Babe: Shower Thinspo

Babe,

So some days I just feel fat, even after sticking to my strict diet of 2 spinach leaves and 4 ice cubes a day. Sometimes I treat my self to a kale smoothie, but this is a rare occasion. However, after I take a shower, I feel skinnier. Maybe its just the fact that I can stare at my naked collar bones for long periods of time. Am I onto something? Is this chic or psycho?

xx

M********

 

Janet Leigh,

It’s been scientifically proven that anything involving nakedness and water automatically makes people feel skinny, so your showering habit doesn’t really surprise me. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that being naked in general always makes me feel thinner. Here are some activities that I like to engage in (in the nude) when I feel a dark wave of puff descend over my soul:

Dry Sauna

Steam room

Float face-up in a pool

Float face-down in a pool

Online shopping

Perch in a tree, smoke 10 cigarettes and reflect on my life

Swim super far out into the ocean and trust the waves to bring me back to shore

Drive around

Meditate while silently chanting my mantra

Sleep

Ice bath

Sit in the kitchen and wait for my chef to walk in (it freaks him out but I know he’s secretly into it)

Hopefully this inspires you. Also you should be aware that too much showering can cause dry skin, so if you refuse to branch out from your shower habit, I suggest you invest in a very expensive moisturizer. Psycho.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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