Babe Walker’s Guide To Thanksgiving

Those who know me best know that I love Thanksgiving. This might be surprising, given it’s a holiday based around my number one enemy: food–but I grew up with a British dad, so we didn’t really observe the holiday. Instead, I’ve always used Thanksgiving weekend as a time to reflect on what I’m grateful for, and also a time to compile and email my Christmas wish list to all my relatives. Without guidelines they go off the rails and I end up with a lot of Coach purses that I then have to re-gift to our gardener’s daughter. All in all, it’s usually a very productive weekend for me. Here are my do’s and a couple don’ts for the holiday:

Do: Eat if that’s your thing.

Do: Spice up your Thanksgiving dinner by coming out of the closet. Especially if your girlfriend’s there with you.

Do: Start a cleanse tonight. It’s a perfectly natural and healthy thing to do, and gives you a reasonable excuse to not eat anything tomorrow.

Don’t: Get so drunk that you make out with a relative. Unless it’s a relative by marriage, in which case go right ahead.

Do: Hire a chef to make your entire Thanksgiving dinner from GOOP recipes.

Do: Feel free to say “No thanks, I JUST ate,” when offered food at the dinner table.

Do: Hunger strike. Here are some things you could fast in protest of:

Lindsay Lohan’s current hair situation

Gaza

People announcing their engagements on Facebook

Don’t: Forget that holidays are a great time for reconnecting with the person you never fell out of love with via a drunken text message.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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