What If?

What if I never find the one? What if I never get married? What if no one impregnates me? What if my labiaplasty was a waste of time?  What if my shaman, Steve, is a liar? What if my shaman, Steve, dies before me? What if none of my friends want to hang out with me after I turn 30? I mean that’s like, 50 years from now, but still, what if? What if I never find the perfect Namibian girl to adopt? What if I do adopt her, name her Blythe Danner Walker, and she hates me for being a lazy mother? What if Blythe kills me in my sleep? What if she tries to kill me, fails, and so I kill her in a fit of Mommie Dearest? What if my dad can’t get me off? Then I’ll just go to jail? What if?

I need to put some clothes on and get out of this steam room.

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