An Open Letter To North West

Dear North,

You’re chic. Also, I haven’t seen your face yet, but I already know you’re gorgeous. And it’s a good thing you’re chic/beautiful because your life isn’t going to be easy. Your mom seems like kind of a psycho, and I’m guessing you guys will probably fight a lot, especially if you end up being hotter/thinner than she is, which you probably will be. And I don’t know if you should trust Grandma Kris either. She seems nice enough, but I would just watch my back around her if I were you. The good news is that I feel like you and your father are going to be super close. Even though he may be kind of embarrassing, you need Kanye in your life. He’s your main connection to the Knowles-Carter family, and your future BFF’s: Blue Ivy, Riccardo Tisci and Anna Wintour. If it weren’t for your dad you could have been named Kaidence. Never forget that.

Your other BFF is going to be Khloe. She is the only one with solid NBA ties, which will come in handy when you start dating. Penelope and Mason will be great to hang out with too for awhile, but just know that they might end up getting really jealous of you. Apple and Moses will probably be a much more satisfying brother/sister duo to spend time with. You don’t know who they are yet, but trust me, you will eventually. Also, and this is SUPER important: ignore Kate and William’s son the first few times you meet him. This will make him obsessed with you. You can thank me later by inviting me to your wedding. Same goes for if they have a daughter.

I’m sad that everyone is already talking shit about you and you’re not even a week old, but I’m also happy because it will just make you more confident. Don’t listen to any of the bad things people say about you, and always remember: you can’t choose your parents, but you can choose your career. Hopefully that means modeling or acting. I have a feeling you’ll excel at both.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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