Ask Babe: Getting Deep

Hi Babe,

You always talk about deep conditioning your hair and I was wondering what’s the chicest one? Like do I use the Kérastase or Shu Umera? Or neither? 



Dear Person In Need Of A Hair Shaman,

Finally someone’s asking me a meaningful question! Whether you color your hair or not, deep conditioning treatments are essential for hair maintenance so that you don’t end up looking like Medusa. I’ve tried just about everything, including traveling to My current mask schedule is pared down to the following routine:

In accordance with my beliefs that, in order to achieve outer beauty you must first start from within, I take Phyto Phytophanère Supplements every day. They’re manufactured in Paris, they’re chic, and they’re magical. Also, Jerry Hall once told me that hair vibrancy is directly related to a person’s karmic alignment, so I always have my shaman do a monthly karmic assessment just to make sure everything’s solid. I don’t want to have dull, lifeless mane because I was a gargoyle in a past life, you know? This deep conditions my hair as well as my soul.

Once a week, I use Wella’s Brilliance Treatment in place of my usual conditioner. I leave it in for 5-10 minutes while I steam or do a body scrub, and then rinse it out. My haircut person recommended this mask to me when I was recovering from a brutal split ends scenario. I almost slapped her when I saw the price tag (it’s unholy how inexpensive this stuff is, like to the point of being untrustworthy). But I gave it a try and now I’m obsessed. It makes my hair feel super soft and smell fucking incredible. Aside from that staple, every three days I will coat my hair with Rene Furterer’s Intense Nourishing Oil before bed, and let it soak in overnight. It also smells amazing, and I have the most vivid sex dreams. Rene Furterer’s Intense Nourishing Mask is also great to use on a bi-weekly basis for a super deep condition moment.  Also (this is super important) I always, always ALWAYS do a final rinse of my hair/body with ice cold water. This seals hair cuticles to lock in shine, and all the shivering burns at least 100 calories.

That about sums it up.



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2 responses to “Ask Babe: Getting Deep”

  1. Disgusted Avatar

    your ‘haircut person’? ew. do you get your hair cut at supercuts in the mall? what the fuck. i thought you of all people would have a personal stylist, babe. i couldn’t even finish reading the post because i’m so offended. ugh.

  2. Brittani Avatar

    I needed to see this… My HAIR needed to see this..

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