Ask Babe: My Psycho Friend

Dear Babe,

How do I get rid of a “friend” that is constantly texting me to hang out?

xx

D*****

 

Dear Friend of Glen Close,

Somehow, I get myself into these type of situations all the time.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m too generous with my personal information, or if it’s because I’m just too nice to people in general. Either way, I’ve become an expert in being really mean to people whom I’ve only ever been super nice to.

First, be careful with how frequently you’re texting back. Try waiting for a few days, then reply with a short, simple answer.  If stalker friend continues to press you, make up some excuse about how your religion prevents you from using technology on the weekends.

Second, take this opportunity to invest in a new phone/number. Remember, giving yourself the gift of peace of mind is priceless, (and you’re probably due for an iPhone upgrade anyways, I can just sense these things). When friend asks why you’re not responding to her text messages anymore, tell her you’re “taking a break from technology” because the prospect of machines taking over the world and enslaving human beings is becoming a little too real and really freaking you out.

Third, if all else fails flee to a safe house on the French Riviera. When you come back, you’ll be well rested, fluent in French, and virtually unrecognizable from months of sun exposure.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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