Ask Babe: Escort?


I’m thinking of becoming an escort.




Dear Kim Kardashian,

I don’t know who you are, I don’t know what you look like, I don’t know what your hair looks like, and I don’t know whether, as a general rule, you think it’s acceptable to eat more than two pieces of salmon sashimi on the first or any date (hint: it isn’t). What I do know is that our lives/careers/love lives usually end up taking unexpected turns, and asking me to predict those turns is literally  impossible so thanks for setting me up for failure. I mean, did I ever think I was going to become a published author? Or fuck an unnamed member of the Lakers? Or discover that my mom was a really chic lesbian supermodel? Or become a published author again? Not really.

So even though I’m pretty sure this is a bad (and potentially catastrophic) career move there’s really no way for me to tell you that you shouldn’t do it. Who knows, you might meet a super successful, super handsome Greek heir who sweeps you off your feet, marries you on a beach in Mykonos, and moves you into a devastatingly chic penthouse overlooking the Med. On the other hand, you could also just end up spending your time entertaining a bunch of sweaty, awkward, pale pharmacists who look like Jonah Hill, spit when they talk, fantasize about wearing your skin as a suit, and, even though you continually refuse, keep trying to pay you in Mexican pesos.







5 responses to “Ask Babe: Escort?”

  1. abandoned Avatar

    where are you babe?????

  2. lost Avatar

    Babe come back to us

  3.  Avatar

    Babe, seriously. Are you dead? Don’t be dead.

  4. ceejy Avatar

    At my ten year reunion I found out the girl who was a stripper (not the classy kind) in high school met a European millionaire who whisked her off to Europe for a few years, married her, and now they live in New York City with their two kids. And she still has the most bangin body of anyone in the class.

  5. Amanda Bynes Avatar
    Amanda Bynes

    babe, where art thou? i am lost with you….

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