Ask Babe: Escort?


I’m thinking of becoming an escort.




Dear Kim Kardashian,

I don’t know who you are, I don’t know what you look like, I don’t know what your hair looks like, and I don’t know whether, as a general rule, you think it’s acceptable to eat more than two pieces of salmon sashimi on the first or any date (hint: it isn’t). What I do know is that our lives/careers/love lives usually end up taking unexpected turns, and asking me to predict those turns is literally  impossible so thanks for setting me up for failure. I mean, did I ever think I was going to become a published author? Or fuck an unnamed member of the Lakers? Or discover that my mom was a really chic lesbian supermodel? Or become a published author again? Not really.

So even though I’m pretty sure this is a bad (and potentially catastrophic) career move there’s really no way for me to tell you that you shouldn’t do it. Who knows, you might meet a super successful, super handsome Greek heir who sweeps you off your feet, marries you on a beach in Mykonos, and moves you into a devastatingly chic penthouse overlooking the Med. On the other hand, you could also just end up spending your time entertaining a bunch of sweaty, awkward, pale pharmacists who look like Jonah Hill, spit when they talk, fantasize about wearing your skin as a suit, and, even though you continually refuse, keep trying to pay you in Mexican pesos.

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  • abandoned

    where are you babe?????

  • lost

    Babe come back to us

  • Anonymous

    Babe, seriously. Are you dead? Don’t be dead.

  • ceejy

    At my ten year reunion I found out the girl who was a stripper (not the classy kind) in high school met a European millionaire who whisked her off to Europe for a few years, married her, and now they live in New York City with their two kids. And she still has the most bangin body of anyone in the class.

  • Amanda Bynes

    babe, where art thou? i am lost with you….