Category Archives: My Boyfriend
My Ex-Boyfriend: Ryan Lochte
Shame fucks are a part of life. I knew I would eventually have one. But, is mine… Ryan Lochte? I never thought I’d need to ask that question. Ryan was supposed to be the perfect counter-programming to Michael Phelps. … Continue reading
My Boyfriend: Harmony Korine
By now I’m sure you’ve all gotten really high and seen the neon slutfest that is Spring Breakers. So you know that whoever was behind that movie is really good at getting girls to look hot and disgusting and fun … Continue reading
My Boyfriend: The Artist
Lately, my boyfriend’s performance art has been especially strange. Now that I think of it, so has our sex. I’m not saying that I don’t embrace the strange, I’m just saying I’m scared. Last week we were stoned by my … Continue reading
My Boyfriend: Charlize Theron
Yes, I’m aware of the anatomical contradictions here. But being attracted to that combination of buzz cut, gray roots, and jacket doesn’t make me feel gay at all. Not that ladies wearing sunglasses and ready to kick someone’s ass at … Continue reading