To be honest, I don’t really give a shit who wins at The Academy Awards tomorrow (as long as it’s Matthew McConaughey, Lupita Nyong’o, Jared Leto, Cate Blanchett, and Gravity). As usual, I’m much more concerned about what everyone is wearing/who hooks up with Jared Leto at the Weinstein Company after party.
That’s why I’ve been spending most of my free time with my Shaman channeling as much positive energy and good vibes towards a super chic red carpet as possible. This may sound a little bit crazy but the thought of this years Oscars looking anything like last years is already making me feel bloated and my skin look blotchy. So for the sake of my health, here are a few things I hope we don’t see tomorrow.
what’s your mantra?
The first thing a guru tells you after giving you a mantra is that you mustn’t ever tell anyone what that mantra is. If you do, you will be punished with bad skin and a slowing metabolism. Trust me you do not want to fuck with a guru. I’ve tried, it never ends pretty and you always end up looking like an A-hole.
Wish I could tell you mine because it’s amazing and I’m pretty sure it’s what has driven me to all of my success over the past few years. Including the time I accidentally boarded Leo’s Yacht in the Med.
Even thought I can’t tell you mine, I’d be happy to give you one of your own. I fancy myself a bit of a Guru anyway. So here goes. Hope this helps you:
Never trust a woman in kitten heels