Ask Babe: Literally Dying To Shop

Dear Babe,

I’m going off to college in a couple weeks and I’ve already packed all my summer/spring/fall clothes because winter doesn’t exist where I’m going and I’m wondering how the hell am I supposed to get more clothes? I’m going to be getting up at the ass crack of dawn for class and I’ll have no time for shopping. I have nothing. It’s embarrassing. And to top it all off, my parents are cutting me off- apparently I “shop too much” whatever that means.

Am I supposed to show up to class with a beat up Birkin? Or worse, subject myself to yoga pants or Forever 21?????

No thank you.

Help. Please.

PS: you’re fab.

C***

 

Broke college girl,

My shaman, Steve, recently told me I was taking on too many dark energies via email so allow me do a quick centering technique to protect myself from your unclear vibes/the mention of Forever 21.

Okay great. So here’s what you do: Gather up whatever clothing you have that’s chic but no longer your thing and sell it on Bib + Tuck. It’s a website where you can shop without having to spend money, aka heaven. Are you understanding? I fucking hope so, because otherwise, good luck with college. Once people “tuck” the items you’ve “bibbed” you can use your funds to shop other closets or transfer them to your depressing bank account. But I must say there are some gems in the Bib + Tuck closets.

Like this YSL “Roady” Bag, which could definitely hold an iPad and a Macbook.

Or this vintage Moschino purse, which will only hold your Adderall and Provigil prescriptions and a pack of cigarettes, but sometimes that’s kind of all you really need to be carrying anyways.

You could buy this Hermes bangle which reminds me of my old horse, Mischa Barton (RIP). JK, I’m probably going to buy it. I need a reminder of my sweet, dead Mischa.

 So buy this Alexander McQueen bangle instead.

This vintage YSL sweater  will make you look very collegiate.

And this vintage Versace miniskirt will make you feel like Helena Christensen circa 1995.

I’m loving that “winter doesn’t exist” where you’re going, but that doesn’t mean you won’t need a chic jacket of some sort. I recommend this one by Vince.

And shoes. You’ll want shoes too. These Chanel espadrilles soothe.

As do these Chanel coral-heeled platforms.

There’s actually a shitload of Chanel on their site, so I doubt you’ll have a problem choosing what suits you.

You can sign up here and get $15 off your first purchase. But if you’re not into spending your funds at Bib + Tuck, then take your money to Barneys or wherever. I’m not trying to control your life. I’m just trying to help you be less tragic.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Ask Babe, I Am Fashion, Shopping | 5 Comments

Being straight is soooooooooooooo boring. #whitegirlproblems

When I Was In Japan Last Month….

So I was away last month at a secret mountain resort which is nestled in the foothills surrounding Kyoto, Japan. I was being true to myself, being silent, being present, being thin, being BABE. After I felt refocused enough to emerge from my Zen nest, I stopped for a few days in Tokyo for some well deserved shopping and a tea binge.

Side note: Have you ever binged on green tea? It’s fucking MAY-HAY-JOR. Like it’s better than being on Molly at Coachella. You just drink green tea all day long on an empty stomach, and you feel like a trillion bucks.

Anyway, I was having my fun “Lost in Translation” moment in Tokyo, minus Bill Murray, when my wave of ‘life-love’ came to a crashing halt. I was flipping through the channels on the hotel TV when I came across this advertisement. It sadly reminded me about how sad humanity is at times.

What the fuck is that fucking thing? I’m all for a tight face, but this is not OK. So that’s when I decided to return to LA and begin leading people back toward the right path again. I’m fixed. The world needs me. I’m really back now.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Accessories, Babe, Exercise, I Am Beauty, I Am Culture | 4 Comments

Literally though, everyone hates you right now. #whitegirlproblems