David The Intern

This morning, I’m leaving for Israel on a family vacation, something my parents are calling a “heritage trip” and I’m calling 6 days on a beach in Tel Aviv. After making me update my Verizon account to an international calling plan, Babe decided that she liked the idea of a heritage trip so much that she was going to take one of her own… to England where her Dad is from. She made it very clear that the vacation would include no reunions with distant family members, religious experiences, or visits to Stonehenge, but would consist entirely of spa treatments and trips to London’s Wailing Wall of fashion, Dover Street Market.

And so, while I was busy getting ready for my trip, I was also preparing Babe for hers. Now, trust me that packing with Babe Walker is one of the more insane things anyone will ever do. ¬†After the final decisions are made r/e outfits, accessories, bag choices, and shoes, her staff and I begin the impossible task of fitting everything into two carry ons. Babe lost a checked bag once and vowed to never again trust “people in airport uniforms.” This means packing for Babe (a process she always oversees with the utmost attention) is like playing a combination of Jenga and Tetris. Each piece must fit perfectly into place or the whole thing is fucked.

Luckily everything fit and Babe is currently on a plane to London. Meanwhile I’m sitting in the airport about to take off on a 13 hour flight (kill me) from LAX to Tel Aviv. On the bright side, I don’t think Babe will be able to reach me at 20,000 feet.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in I Am Culture, Travel, Vacations | Leave a comment

I want a cigarette. I also want a baby. #whitegirlproblems

Ask Babe: Love Affair


Babe,

I’m in love.

I really love cocaine, but I cant afford it all the time. Help.

Love,

J**

 

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

I know you’ve run into some financial issues, of late. You really need to chill with the coke, babe. It’s not cute. I get that you love coke. Who the fuck doesn’t love coke? Everyone loves coke! It’s coke.

Moderation is key here. Once a week, max. Actually once a month, max for you. Restore peoples faith in you. You could probably have a major comeback if you just laid off the powder. K bye.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
Posted in Ask Babe, Drugs, Lifestyle | 1 Comment

I love drugs kinda. #whitegirlproblems